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1、打开你们的袋子会找到一些东西Ifyoulookinsideyourbags,youwillfindafewthings.一束手工编织的花笔.Abouquetofhand-crochetedflowerpens.喔Ohl一幅你们的马赛克肖像Amosaicportraitofeachofyou用你们各自最喜欢的低糖汽水瓶子碎片做成madefromthecrushedbottlesofyourfavoritedietsoda,还有一篇解释你们为什么这么棒的5000字个性化随笔andapersonalized5,000-wordessayofwhyyouareallsoawesome.闺蜜节是什么Wh
2、atsGalentine1SDay?哦只不过是每年最棒的一天0h,itsonlythebestdayoftheyear.每年2月13日我的女性朋友们和我EveryFebruary13th,myladyfriendsandI把老公和男友留在家leaveourhusbandsandourboyfriendsathome然后来一场早餐风格的聚会andwejustcomeandkickitbreakfaststyle.女士们庆祝女士们1.adiescelebratingladies.就像是莉莉丝音乐节It,slikeLilithFair减去焦虑加上玉米饼minustheangst.Plusfritta
3、tas.为了结束我们的闺蜜节早餐SotoconcludeourGalentine1SDaybreakfast,现在来讲述最棒的故事吧itistimeforthegreateststoryevertold.什么故事What,sthestory?是最浪漫的故事It,sthemostromanticstoryever.它让恋恋笔记本看起来像电锯惊魂5ItmakesTheNotebooklooklikeSawV.开始吧妈开始Go,Mom,go.那是1968年我18岁Itwas1968.1was18和家人去百慕大度假andourfamilywentonavacationtoBermuda.第一天我去海里
4、游泳Andonthefirstday,Iwentforaswimintheocean.被一股强大的海浪卷住了AndIgotcaughtinaverystrongcurrent.你已经听过这个故事了吧Youveheardthisstorybefore,right?是但为了剧情效果Yes,butthedrama.接着我感觉到的ThenextthingIfelt是一双非常强有力的双臂weretwoverypowerfularms把我拖回安全地带whiskingmetosafety.他俯视着我说了一句Andhelookeddownatmeandhesaid,你没事吧Areyouokay?我抬头看着他说
5、道“现在没事了”AndIlookedupathimandIsaid,Iamnow.所以他们偷偷山来见面在沙滩上漫步Sotheysneakouttomeeteachotherandwalkonthebeach.两周后他求了婚然后搬去了伊利诺伊Andtwoweekslater,heaskedhertomarryhimandmovetoIllinois.但她父母觉得她太小了所以她拒绝了Butherparentsthoughtshewastooyoung,soshesaidno.然后他们失去了联♥系♥几年后她认识了我爸Andthentheylosttouch,andafew
6、yearslatershemetmydad.我得去上救生员课程了Igottatakeoneofthoselifeguardcourses.他们可是福利满满呢Thoseguysgetalltheaction.说的对吧Justin-我们得找到这个人AmIright,Justin?-Wegottafindthisguy.Frank吗他可能已经结婚了或者去世了Frank?Hesprobablymarriedordead.有什么区别呢说的对吧JustinWhat,sthedifference?AmIrighJustin?至少试着让我找找他Well,atleastletmetryandfindhim.想象
7、一下如果让他们重逢那个故事肯定更精彩Imaginehowmuchbetterthatstorywouldbeifweactuallyreunitedthem.我觉得Justin是对的你该让他做IthinkJustin,sright.Youshouldlethimdothis.好的去吧但如果你找到他而他很奇怪Okay.Doit.Butifyoufindhimandhe,sweird,比如是个搞腹语的或者搞木偶的likeaventriloquistorapuppeteer,或者任何假装玩具是人的oranyonewhopretendstoysarepeople,那么任务中止thenabortthem
8、ission.当然-当然Absolutely.-Absolutely.公园与游憩公园与游憩公园与游憩第2季第16集第2季第16集你你是最好的女朋友You,yourethebestgirlfriendever.嗷Aw!情人节快乐HappyValentinesDay.我知道最后总有途径Iknew,eventually,somehow,跟你谈恋爱会有回报beinginarelationshipwithyouwouldtotallypayoff.我给他买♥♥了点真正的毛巾Iboughthimsomeactualtowels.他一直用的是浴袍Hewasusingabathro
9、be.我也给他买♥♥了些其他人类会用的东西比如洗发水AndIboughthimsomeotherthingsthathumansusuallyuse,likeshampoo.士兵们集♥合♥好消息Troops,gatheraround.Greatnews.老年人中心情人节舞会明日举♥行♥5点到9点TheSeniorCenterValentinesDanceistomorrow,from5:00to9:00.说的是上午还是下午Arewetalkinga.m.orp.m.?这些人也太老了我说的对吧JUStinThos
10、epeopleareold.AmIright,Justin?哦JUStin不在这啊Oh!Justinsnothere.这不只是个工作同志们Itisntjustajob,gang,我们能从这些老年人身上学到很多weregonnalearnalotfromtheseseniors.有些已经结婚超过半个世纪了Someofthemhavebeenmarriedforhalfacentury.无意冒犯在座的各位爱情都不太行Andnooffense,buteverybodyhereisterribleatlove.离婚约会同性恋离婚两次你俩还不确定Divorced,datingagayguy,divorc
11、edtwice,jurysstilloutonyoutwo.还有Jerry谁知道呢AndJerry,whoknows.我幸福的婚姻已经持续28年了vebeenhappilymarriedfor28years.你见过我的老婆Gayle很多次吧Youvemetmywife,Gayle,manytimes.无所谓了Whatever.最后Ann和Mark是我们的特别志愿者Finally,AnnandMarkareourspecialvolunteers,他们会随叫随到andtheywillbeavailablewheneverneeded.我没志愿啊Ididntvolunteer.啊太迟了你被征召了Y
12、eah,toobad.Yougotdrafted.别问你的老人们能为你做什么Asknotwhatyouroldpeoplecoulddoforyou,问问你能为你的老人们做什么askwhatyoucoulddoforyouroldpeople.终结者吧Terminator.啥不是是肯尼迪What?NoJFK.这次会议已经终结了Thismeetinghasbeenterminated.这才是终结者ThatistheTerminator.棒Nice.我要去哪来着WhereamIgoing?哦你好啊Well,hellothere.哦嘿我收到你消息了Well,hey.Igotyourmessage.你
13、想谈谈吗Youwantedtotalk?是的Yes,Ido.哦Oh.请坐Haveaseat.嗯-来点香槟Mmm.-Somechampagne?呃不谢了Uh,no,thanks.来嘛这可是黑桃A香槟啊Jay-Z都喝这个的Comeon.ThisisArmanddeBrignac.Jay-Zdrinksthis.是哦但Jay-Z一个小时后不用去做外科手术Yeah,well,Jay-Zdoesnthavetoperformsurgeryinanhour.你不知道Jay-Z的日程啊他可是文艺复兴人啊YoudontknowJay-Z,sschedule.He,sarenaissanceman.好吧行这是给
14、你的Okay,fine.Well,thisisforyou.哦Oh!马上就是情人节了Well,itsalmostValentinesDay,我觉得今天很适合告诉你soIthoughtitwouldbeagooddaytotellyouthat.好的我要打住你了Okay.Letmejuststopyourightthere.你看Tommy1.ook,Tommy,我想让你知道我感激你为我做的一切Ijustwantyoutoknowmsogratefulforeverythingyoudidforme,但我只把我们当做朋友butIonlyseeusasfriends.现在而已想象我们的友谊加上做那个
15、会好多少Fornow.Butthinkabouthowmuchbetterourfriendshipwouldbeifweaddeddoingit.认真讲我知道我们的婚姻是假的Seriously,Iknowourmarriagewasfake,但我们之间是有什么的buttheressomethingbetweenus.我觉得我们应该试一试来真的AndIthinkweshouldgiveitashot,forreal.我对你就是没有那种想法Ijustdontfeelthatwayaboutyou.不好意思msorry.Ivegotyouundermyskin* 每一次*EachtimeIdo* 只要我一想到你一切都回到原点*Just
