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1、大家好你好啊Hello.Hello.瞧瞧这架势这是女人得知Checkyouout.Thatstheenergyofawoman自己有没有怀孕之后才有的松弛感whojustfoundoutshespregnantornotpregnant.不我足松了口气No,mrelieved.50岁一过能松一口气别提多开心Whenyoureover50,relieflookslikejoy.我把空置的卧室挂出去了1putthatsparebedroomupforrent.好像已经找到租客了ThinkIalreadyfoundatenant.真希望你不用租出去Ijustwishyoudidnthavetodot
2、his.那也是没办法的事总得多搞点钱吧Ah,youdowhatyougottodo.Icouldusetheextramoney毕竟我现在要原价在贩售机上买♥♥东西了sincempayingfullpriceatthevendingmachineagain.外加我几年之前还做了一个Plus,Imadethatterriblefinancialdecision不那么明智的财务决定allthoseyearsago.离婚吗-重金下注76人队Gettingdivorced?BettingontheSixers?我选择当了老师1becameateacher.Ahh姑娘找室友前
3、至少可以试一下Girl,atleasttryapassive-incomesidehustle找个被动收入的副业吧beforearoommate.就我们说话这会儿我的聊天机器人Igotachatbotwritingeulogies已经为九个人写了悼词forninepeopleaswespeak.在网上挂出自己的居住地址Barbara：Ijustdontfeelgoodaboutyou我总觉得不太舒服givingoutyouraddresstostrangersonline.太不安全了Itsnotsafe.要是他们杀了你怎么办Whatiftheykillyou?我会没事的好吧mgonnabefi
4、ne.Okay?我用的是假名字和假地址Iusedafakenameandaphonyaddress,我在租♥房♥♥广&hearts浩♥上写了“温馨开阔的次卧”andmyIistingjustsaidcozyguestsuitewithaview,在同城网这代表“空间逼仄”whichisCraigslistspeakforit,scramped.然后跟一个叫莱斯特的书呆子发了邮件AndIe-mailedwiththisverynicenerdnamed1.ester他信用不错语法甚至更好,withgreatcreditandevenbett
5、ergrammar.我觉得这次指定能成Igotagoodfeelingaboutthis.各位听我说Guys,guys,Ithinkmysearch我觉得我找房♥子的噩梦要结束了foranewplacetoliveisover.在见了几个不理想的室友Aftersomenotsoidealmeetups学会了不用真名见面whereIlearnedtostopusingmyrealname别在自我介绍处写“热爱拥抱”之后orlistgreathuggerintheAboutMesection我早说过你-我发现一间Itoldyou.Ihavefound温馨开阔的景观次卧theperfe
6、ctcozyguestsuitewithaview.你就是莱斯特1.ester?你是米尔德里德Mildred?你竟然要跟雅各布一起住了Barbara:YouandJacoblivingtogetheris我知道这是上帝的安排IknowitsGodswill,但他老人家也太幽默了buthesgottenawfullycreative.好吧我总不能选那个从不用除臭剂的Okay.Youwantedmetopickthehairlesscatbreeder无毛猫饲养员吧whodoesntbelieveindeodorant?等等是无毛猫饲养员Wait,isitthewomanthat,shairles
7、s还是无毛猫饲养员orthecatsarehairless?要不你再找找Maybeyoucouldjustkeeplooking.其他地方要么是我预算的两倍Everywhereelseiseithertwicemybudget要么有3小时的通勤ora3-hourcommute.3小时也没那么长啦Imean,threehoursisntforever.大家静一下Hearye,hearye.今天把天家召集起来是想宣布一个Um,sovegatheredyouallheretodaytotellyou非常特别的试点（飞行）项目aboutaveryspecialpilotprogram大家一定会很喜欢的
8、Ithinkyouregonnabeexcitedabout.我70年代就做过飞行项目Ialreadydidapilotprograminthe70s,但具体飞到了哪里或飞机上有什么butIcanttellyouwhereIflew我不能说orwhatwasontheplane.好吧这个试点项目Okay,well,thisisapilotprogram是要让图书管♥理♥员♥进校园tobringlibrariansintoschools,要从阿伯特小学开始andwerestartingwithAbbott.我打算把当地图书馆学的Igottheideato
9、bringinlocalgradstudents研究生引入小学校园inlibrarysciences.他们可以借此积累工作经验Theygettocheckofftheirexperiencerequirements,我们可以有位真正的图书管♥理♥员♥多赢andwegetareallibrarian.Everybodywins.尤其是我但这和我无关Especiallyme,whichthisisntabout.阿伯特是最适合推行试点的学校Abbottstheperfectschoolforthistrial,有这么多位杰出的老师withitsmanydi
10、stinguishedteachers却没有一位图书管♥理♥员♥anditszerolibrarians是啊Yes.所以请大家欢迎我们这位酷酷的Sodliketointroduceyoualltotheverycool罗莎琳伊内兹女士新来的图书管♥理♥员♥Ms.RosalynInez,yournewlibrarian.谢谢谢谢大家Thankyou,thankyou.Thishas这是我多年的梦想Thishasbeenadreamofmineforyears.也是我重回学校的原因ItsactuallywhyIwe
11、ntbacktoschool.很高兴这个项目终于成真了Justexcitedtoputthisprogramtowork.又是一位成熟睿智的女人Anothergrownwomanofsubstance.孩子们会喜欢这顶帽子的Andthekidsaregonnalovethathat.那帽子下都能藏个复活节火腿了YoucouldhideanEasterhamunderthathat.我很期待认识mjustlookingforwardtogettingtoknow你们每一个人eachandeveryoneofyou.欢迎大家踊跃反馈意见Wellbeusingthefeedbackthatweget
12、fromyouall学区将由此决定todetermineifthedistrict是否在全市范围内推行该项目shouldimplementtheprogramalloverthecity.一定会的耶Whichtheywill.Soyay!好了在伊内兹女士开工之前AlrighsobeforeMs.Inezdigsin,还有谁要提问吗doesanyonehaveanyquestions?有你们知道雅各布要跟梅丽莎同居了吗Yeah.DidyouknowthatJacobismovinginwithMelissa?太疯狂了对吧Thatscrazy.Right?抱歉这是俩问题我的错Oh,sorry.Th
13、atstwoquestions.Mybad.你需要帮忙吗Oh,youneedhelp?不了谢谢你Uh,no.Thankyou.这是最后一箱了ThisisThisisthelastofthem.我知道Iknow.看起来好重啊对吧Sothatlooksheavy,huh?沉死个人Brutally.我做了通心粉1.isten,Imadeputtanesca,但我只会做12个人的量but1onlyknowhowtocookfor12,你要是想吃的话我给你来一盘soifyouwantsome,Illmakeyouaplate.你必须5分钟之内给我答复“Butletmeknowinthenextfivem
14、inutes,因为我爱看的节目要开始了becausemyshowscomingon.嗯新泽西娇妻Oh,um.RealHousewivesofNewJersey五分钟后也要开始isalsooninfive,我必须第一时间追更的and1-1simplymustwatchitlive.天我也要看这个Okay,thatsmyshow.不会吧是的No.Yes开什么玩笑没开Stop.Iwillnot因为拍的太好了啊It,sItsamasterpiece.我必须知道向联调局告发特蕾莎的是谁IhavegottoknowwhocalledthefedsonTeresa.她自己的狂妄自大呗Thehubrisalo
15、ne.还有马奇是个什么情况AndwhatsupwithMarge?说辞一会儿一变Alwayschangingupherstory.因为她狡猾得Becausesheissneaky.可怕Ashell.不知不觉中你就已经跟一个Beforeyouknowit,youreinarelationship与你父母一样的人生活在了一起withsomeonewhoisjustlikeyourparents.加里和我爸爸简直一模一样Garywasadead-ringerformydad.扎克基本上就是我妈妈AndZachwasbasicallymymom.开什么玩笑Areyoufreakingkiddingme?我最爱酸奶油和洋葱了Ilovesourcreamandonion.咸咸的很好玩It,ssosal
